Yes brother, it IS me!
by Silverlight10243
Summary: As a last resort, Sasuke Uchiha is forced to abide to Hashirama's ridiculous plans of convincing Madara that, yes, indeed, he is Izuna. Who knew the consequences were so large? A cracky, alternative intake on chapter 661. Oneshot.


**A/N: So here's my alternative intake on chapter 661... somewhat related to the oneshot Brother is it YOU? I decided to post this ****separately cuz many people found the two together confusing, also, I fixed some grammar issues.**

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There was a pause as Madara withdrew the chokutō from Sasuke's chest. Bright red rivulets of blood ran rapidly from the fresh wound, coalescing into a red stream. The boy DID look like he was about to die... except he's Sasuke. He's well acquainted with the traits of Plot no Jutsu. Period.

"What a pity, I gave you more than ample time to do something," Madara remarked sadistically. "And now I must proceed with the rest of the plan."

"Stop!" Surprisingly, Sasuke was well enough to talk. "Madara... You can't do this, I am your brother."

The man raised his eyebrows, clearly skeptical of the claim. Tobirama Senju, who was currently impaled with a multitude of chakra rods looked at him in confusion.

"Coming to think of it, you two DO look somewhat alike," Tobirama mused.

"You're lying! Izuna is dead!" Madara felt furious that this insolent little brat was impersonating his brother.

"No. I'm not," Sasuke said this in a tone that would have sounded like he was speaking reasonably, if it weren't for the given circumstances. "I'm really Izuna."

"Yeah right!"

"I'm actually being serious brother!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Seriously brother, it's me."

"No! Izuna is dead, I saw that bastard," he pointed an accusing finger at an incapacitated Tobirama, "kill him."

"Then let me ask you," Sasuke paused for a moment, "do you believe in reincarnatio-"

"Nope," Madara answered this before the sentence was even finished.

The younger one of the two folded his arms. "Come on, why else do you think Izuna Uchiha wasn't Edo Tensei'd?"

"Because none of his DNA samples could be tracked down, kid," Madara deadpanned. "It's been what, nearly a hundred years."

"YOUR DNA samples at the Valley of the End were discovered and so were the Shodai Hokage's, so why not your brother's?" Sasuke inquired persistently. "Let me answer this for you, your brother wasn't able to come back precisely because he had been reincarnated... into me. Suffice to say we share the same spirit and I am, ergo, your brother. Why else do you think we look so alike, too alike to a mere coincidence? To boot, we're both... womanizers." Sasuke winced when he said that last line, he was always reluctant to admit or acknowledge his popularity with the other sex, only Hashirama Senju had kind-of, forced him into doing so. Long story, better left unsaid.

Aced it, he thought to himself. Exactly as rehearsed.

Meanwhile, Madara started to contemplate on Sasuke's explanation, trying to find a way to rebut the kid but he was having some difficulties. First and foremost, because what the younger Uchiha said did make sense: him and Izuna bore a striking resemblance to each other, Izuna wasn't Edo Tensei'd and, yes, if someone did try hard, he/she might possibly have been able to track down Izuna's DNA. Finally, both him and Izuna were womanizers. Back in the good old days, Izuna had a few notorious fangirls both shinobi and civilian. Needless to say, Madara (being Madara) performing his duties to get rid of them as an overprotective older brother admirably. Finally, part of him wanted to believe that this boy in front of him was Izuna- or at least Izuna's reincarnation.

Unbeknownst to Madara, he had drifted into a maudlin state of reverie and was completely severed from the ongoings of his surroundings.

"Izuna... Izuna... Izuna..." The legendary Uchiha muttered that name repetitively, earning bemused glances from spectators all around him.

"Hey, brother, are you still listening?!" Sasuke yelled.

"Izuna... Are you... touched?"

"By what? You starting an entire war because of me? More than that, trying to erase the existence of all shinobi and create a false world of illusion just to see me in it? Not really." Sasuke deadpanned.

"But I did that all for you and-"

Sasuke slapped him. Hard.

Clearing his throat, the boy prepared himself for a monologue. "Madara, my brother," he said dramatically. "While it's true that there are always two sides of a coin, you must always look at the bright side of life!"

Tobirama snickered. That's a lot coming from an angsty, previously sanity-deprived, fratricidal ass, he thought in the private confines of his mind.

"You used to be such a loving guy, what happened to you? Why, why did you forsake the positive sides of yourself to darkness?!"

"I... I..."

"It's never to late to change. I mean, yeah, look at me," Sasuke coughed rather uneasily. "I was a nuke-nin who abandoned everything, everyone I had for vengeance, I never realized what precious bonds I shared with others and... it was Hashirama, the Shodai Hokage who well... told me stuff that made me change my mind."

Yes, it was a rather lame attempt at Talk no Jutsu - but this was Sasuke, not Naruto. Sasuke, who had never been as well-versed as Naruto in the arts of Talk no Jutsu except for when Vengeance, Retribution, Revenge or Avenging was concerned.

Tobirama, who was still on the ground, shook his head. What a horrifically, cliched, cheesy little speech.

Madara nodded slowly. Slowly and approvingly.

"Anyways, brother, I'm serious, if you don't do something soon I'm going to die from all the bleeding."

Madara was snapped back into reality. "Seriously 'ZuZu, just go find that pink-haired chick, she can heal you."

"I have a sword through my chest, I suggest you do something now."

Madara felt rather guilty. "Eh... I'll carry you to that pink-haired chick?"

Before Sasuke could protest, Madara had hurled him over his shoulders and leapt all the way across the battlefield.

Naturally Sakura panicked.

One, her Sasuke-kun was bleeding profusely, looking to be on the verge of death.

Two, the person carrying her was none other that Madara Uchiha, the man who had STARTED the war in the first place.

Three, she had just finished healing Naruto and well, she wasn't prepared to see another teammate (or former teammate in this case) being fatally wounded.

"Heal him," Madara commanded her bluntly.

"WHAT?"

"Heal him."

"Sakura..." Sasuke's raspy voice spoke. "Heal me for Kami's sake, I'm about to die!"

"Wait, why is he carrying you?"

"We're long lost brothers.""

"What on earth-"

"Just HEAL HIM!" Madara glared threatening at her.

Sakura gulped and immediately did that.

A while later, Naruto awoke to find Hashirama - free of his chakra rods- hugging Madara uncontrollably, who (much to his surprise) hugged back. A few yards away from his Sakura was suffocating Sasuke in a bone-crunching embrace, who appeared to be a little reluctant.

"What the HELL happened dattebayo?!"

"Naruto, Sasuke-kun saved us all!"

"Wait what?"

"He managed to convince Madara that he is, in fact, Izuna, who by the way, was Madara's little brother. Subsequently, after pulling the stops n the war Madara decided that he's going to spend some quality time with Hashirama, who was apparently his childhood friend."

"Huh?" Naruto was even more confused.

"Sakura... will you stop hugging me?" Sasuke struggled to muster his voice.

"Teme what happened dattebayo?!"

"I... it's all Hashirama's plan!" Sasuke defended himself.

Then he explained exactly what happened.

Contradictory to everyone's expectations, Naruto decided to bitch-slap Sasuke: "You STOLE my Talk No Jutsu abilities!"

Afterwards, the blond punched poor, poor Sasuke straight in the face.

As a result, the young Uchiha returned from the war with a black eye, an overprotective "brother" and... countless suitors.

While leaving the battlefield, Madara whispered in the boys ear. "I don't like that pink-haired chick and seriously, don't ever try to get sexually involved with her. Understand? I liked that Hyuuga chick, she's got nice tits, pity that blond guy got her first. I guess you could try that red-haired girl with glasses, though I must admit, I'd hate to have her as a sister in law, too annoying... But anyways, anyone but that pink-haired chick, got it?

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**This was beta'd by Haldir639 in 26-01-14**

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**A/N: Please leave behind some reviews! I would like to know how you all think of it! **

**P.s. any tips on writing skills?**


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